The Blindness of Anxiety and Depression

I know it is coming. However, the power of denial and the hope that God would spare me this diagnosed fate, keeps me pseudo-positive as I continue my pastorate in our small church in Eastern Tennessee. I love these people, and it is a valuable part of my ministry service to continually affirm them. I do not want my sickness to discourage them. I do not want my faith to weaken theirs simply because my path of loneliness may not be deliverance but faithful endurance. Now, I think of my beloved family. God has given me a beautiful, God fearing, hard working wife and two wonderful adult children. It may sound strange, but our family all pastor this church together. We each work as if its ministry and success is a vital part of each of our destinies. This alone is a great testimony to a love that binds us all.

I am thankful but now I walk the valley of a great shadow. It is amazing how soon our health can fade as flowers in a dry season. Months ago my friend and primary doctor told me, "Walt, your kidneys are failing; it is only a matter of time." Dr. Bill's eyes stare at mine in a morbid seriousness. I gulp sadness and force a smile, "Well, we will just see about that!"

Now I sit in my chair as I wait for my nephrologist. Dr. Bill has assigned him as a specialist in this area. Inwardly I know the message I am to hear, but outwardly I cling to hope. The Bible says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick", and I feel sick both inside and outside. Over these months I carry a continual nauseous stomach, I chill to the depth of my bones, and my energy is zero. When I go to church, I drag myself to the pulpit and my inspiration and enthusiasm are stuck on empty. My folks would ask me, "Are you alright, Pastor?" I would answer, "Oh yes, wonderful!" I am not sure if this is faith or a fib, but I am the pastor and I must not let my vulnerability influence their faith!

Dr. Steve enters the room in business-like fashion, "Mr. Isbill, your kidney function is so low it is time for us to move you to a dialysis therapy to save your life." He tells me that it is not uncommon for patients to experience depression at this time, and he would help provide whatever resources are necessary. I say, "I am a Christian - I will not be depressed."

What Is Depression?

Definitions of depression on the Web:

• a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
• sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy

We often expand the word "depression" as relating a state of helplessness or hopelessness. We feel fragile or vulnerable. Our society rewards strength and we are continually urged not to show weakness and vulnerability. For example, Men are taught "boys don't cry," and “act like a man!” So, when times of anxiety come, we try to ignore it. As a result our anxiety leads to depression and we become blind because we refuse to see it.

Signs And Symptoms Of Depression

“There’s a vast difference between “feeling depressed” and suffering from clinical depression. The despondency of clinical depression is unrelenting and overwhelming. Some people describe it as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. They can't escape their unhappiness and despair. However, some people with depression don't feel sad at all. Instead, they feel lifeless and empty. In this apathetic state, they are unable to experience pleasure. Even when participating in activities they used to enjoy, they feel as if they're just going through the motions. The signs and symptoms vary from person to person, and they may wax and wane in severity over time.”

TRIGGERS OF DEPRESSION - Many Normal, Joyous And Painful Life Experiences Can Trigger Depression.

Possible triggers (causes for the onset) for a depressive disorder may include:

• Seasonal changes
• Death of a loved one / spouse
• Loneliness
• Loss of job / unemployment
• Chronic physical illness / chronic pain
• Moving house / loss of social contacts
• Chronic conflicts at work
• Marital problems
• Childbirth
• Chronic alcohol or drug abuse
• Certain medications
• Low self-esteem
• Being the victim of a crime or accident
• Poverty
• Other possible causes..........

I share with you from my experience; I affirm your importance and worth. When anxiety and depression cover you with darkness; these God-given graces are the first to leave you. You think you are no longer in control. If you can renew your mind and control, depression will cease!

I am not a psychologist, nor am I a psychiatrist or a medical doctor. I recognize that some people need professional help. If you do, I urge you to find qualified help. It could save your life. I have attempted to help (or to find help) for some depressed suicidal folks before, and I want to assure you it is ok to get help!

Two Priceless Resources

As for me, I was helped through my time of struggle by the following resources.

Prayer: I have no doubt that prayer works and prayer changes things. I have learned so much about the working of prayer over the years. Most people see prayer as asking God for something and maybe he will give it!” Such a limiting view makes God look like an inept Santa. One man once said, “If prayer worked, I’d be rich and live forever!” What he is actually saying is, “If I were God, I’d be rich and live forever.” To have this image of God is to elevate ourselves and diminish God.” A closer study reveals that prayer is more about intimacy with our Creator and Savior than it is in an exchange of presents. It is true that God grants many favors but these are just a taste of the intimacy we enjoy in him.

Psalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Friends: I believe that we are here on this rock we call, “earth” for one reason beyond loving God, and that is to help each other. From a new born to senior citizen we receive and give help. Your most valuable resource beyond God is friends and family. When I was in the dialysis clinic, I made a friend. Raymond was a treasure who was in worse health than I, but he would not let me stay down. He made a point of affirming me. My family affirmed me; my church affirmed me. In my despair I realized I was rich and being held by hands seen and unseen.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Other Helps: There are also a host of other resources that are available. These include such things as: good diet, exercise, activity, reading, etc.. In addition at the close of this hub, I will include a list of helpful web resources links which should be of use to you.

Conclusion:

I affirm you today. I do not know who reads this hub but I pray for you as I write this. Part of our humanity guarantees that we all have depression from time to time. It is like being in a pit on a snowy day; its slippery darkness and bitter cold. They look overwhelming and feel hopeless. If you want out, you must look up. It is the only way out of a pit. I trust these words of encouragement help you!